A Week Out

October 1, 2009

It’s been just over a week since my last surgery and I confess, this recovery is brutal. My days continue to be spent primarily in bed and on medication. Most of my stitches seem to be on the mend though they’re tender to the touch and there’s still some minimal bleeding, primarily at the top of the back of my left leg, due mostly to the action of getting in and out of bed. As I learned with the first surgery waking up in the morning is the worst time since everything has stiffened up during the night. I’m still getting up at least once or twice in the middle of the night, not only to take medication but to stretch and that seems to be helping somewhat. I would suspect that my situation is going to remain pretty much the same for another week but then I should think I’ll begin improving more quickly and gaining more endurance, strength, and mobility. For the time being though I seem to be able to do one or two small tasks a day and then I’m done.

I take a shower every morning that requires walking upstairs, removing my compression suit, showering, gingerly toweling myself dry, wrangling my body back into a clean compression suit, doing a little spot bandaging, and then heading back down the stairs. From start to finish the whole procedure takes about 3 hours and 20 minutes; 20 minutes to actually take the shower and 3 hours to lay in bed and recover from taking the shower. Aside from the daily shower I’ve also tried to get outside everyday for a five minute waddle around our neighborhood courtyard and on Sunday D managed to get me dressed and to church to attend a baby baptism I didn’t want to miss though we left as soon as the baby was splashed since sitting down on anything that resembles a chair or a pew still remains out of the question.

Today was the biggest outing of all. I took a spin around the salad bar at the grocery store and then walked the distance of about 15 car lengths to Starbucks. By the time we got home 45 minutes later I was clammy, panting and aching but it was totally worth it to have been outside on such a beautiful afternoon. I so enjoyed the cool air coming in through the car window that I probably looked a little like a tail wagging golden retriever riding in the passenger seat with my head all but hanging out the window.

There’s been a lot of emotional stuff coming up for me during this process but honestly, I’m too worn out and focused on pain management to reflect or dissect any of the deeper stuff. I can only tell you that most of it’s good. Intense feelings of gratitude top the list but there’s also a little low-grade depression that often comes in the aftermath of surgery. I was warned to expect it and so was prepared when it arrived. I know it will lessen as I get more of my strength back and a little further away from the regular routine of pain medication so I’m just noticing the feelings for what they are and not giving them much more of my attention than that. When I’m back on my feet again, I’ll be more ready to take on any emotions that continue to stir around below the surface. I just think it’s important to notice this because what happens to our body isn’t disconnected from the rest of who we are unless we’re gifted (?) at being able to compartmentalize our lives. Being whole people means that when our body is going through any kind of trauma or transformation, the rest of who we are reacts in its own way, and likewise when our hearts are broken or we’re emotionally wounded, our physical bodies might well respond with mysterious symptoms or general ill-health. The beauty of being whole people means that suffering or celebration is felt through our entire beings.

Posted in Reconstructive Surgery