Map Attack
March 29, 2010
I’m pretty sure I’m covered in the Maps of Italy Department.
Fat Chance GiveAway
March 27, 2010
I’ve never found diet books to be particularly helpful since the problem for me has never been about not knowing what to do. I don’t need one more food plan or another exercise routine. After more than forty years of trying diet after diet and accumulating a stack of unused gym memberships I don’t need more education about what to do; I need more motivation to keep me doing what I know I need to do, and I don’t get that motivation from diet books but from the personal stories of others who have been there and done that. If someone’s further down the road than me and has found some success along the way then I want to hear what they have to say more than I want to listen to what some naturally thin diet expert has to tell me. I need to be inspired.
That’s why I watch The Biggest Loser. Those are my people. The details of their stories may be different from mine but the physical challenges obesity brings, the public humiliations that come with the territory, and the insanity of the food obsession is something we share in common and so when one of them is telling one of their fat stories or whining about the work involved in losing the weight or celebrating a victory like wearing their first pair of jeans or being able to touch their toes, I get it. We’re not only in the same book. We’re on the same page. Every season when a new batch of chunky monkeys (and I say chunky monkeys with tenderness, not sarcasm) stand on those ginormous scales for the first time I’m reminded of how miserable life was then and how committed I am to holding on to and building on the life I now have; and when I watch them celebrate their new life on the season finale, I can’t help but sniffle and tear up empathetic to the happiness they must feel in leaving their old life behind and their hope in the new life before them. Those moments are so inspiring that I’m willing to endure a thousand cheesy produce placements and awkwardly acted “spontaneous” commercials for a few truly genuine and heart-warming revelations.
So I naturally loved Fat Chance: Losing the Weight, Gaining My Worth, by former Biggest Loser contestant Julie Hadden. In an often-humorous and always inspiring way, Julie shares behind the scenes stories from her season on the show and describes her own personal journey toward as the sub-title reveals, losing weight and gaining self-worth. Duh. What I didn’t expect to find that Julie is a seriously hardcore Christian and so the book blends her witness as a Christian with her experience toward reclaiming her life and health. Because I’m a rather passionate Jesus girl myself, I really enjoyed the blend of the power of God and the power of Jillian as influences in her life!
One of the sections in the book I really connected with was when Julie wrote about three myths she had bought into around weight loss and maintaining a life of good health. The myths are Julie’s. The comments are mine.
Myth 1: It will get easier.
I really did believe that once I lost the weight maintaining my weight would be comparatively easy, but as you know from reading previous posts, oh, the sweet delusion of ignorance. I know this can be hard to hear when you still have a mess of weight to loss but in my experience, losing the weight is the easier part. Losing weight when I was 325, 275, and 190 pounds was made easy (relatively that is) because there was a constant pay off whether it was fitting into a smaller pair of pants, doing something I couldn’t physically do before, or having someone comment on how good I was looking. I use to ridicule normal weight people who whined about not being able to lose those nasty 5 or 10 pounds. “Oh boo-hoo, poor little you!” I had so little compassion for a 5-pounder knowing that my own weight was exactly the same as the Chicago Bears quarterback, William Refrigerator Perry. I kid you not. But now I get it. Trying to lose 5 pounds at 166 pounds is proving to be more difficult than losing 25 at 300 pounds, and then getting to a weight and maintaining it is a whole other ballgame. There aren’t new noteworthy successes around every corner. People stop commenting on your weight loss and how great you look. Your clothes and body aren’t constantly changing. You work out work out work out and instead of the scales dropping into another 10 pound range you’re lucky if there’s a shift in ounce measurements. So it doesn’t get easier but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth doing in the first place. Do the hard work of losing the excess weight because you deserve to be healthy and when you get to the weight you want to maintain then just do the work that’s required to stay there one day at a time. Considering the options, it’s worth the hard work because you’re worth the hard work and the good health.
Myth 2: One bad choice won’t matter.
I spent 40 plus years of my life telling myself that it wouldn’t matter, just this once. This one cookie. This one trip to the fast food restaurant. This one day of laying for hours on the couch. The end result was that I got up to 325 pounds one bad choice at a time. One bite. One meal. One bag. One container. Just one and just this one time. The truth is that very choice matters because the next choice builds on the choice before. It would go something like this. “I’ve been doing so good on my diet and I really really want one bowl of ice cream. Just one and no more. I know I probably shouldn’t but really, this will be all I have. Just one bowl.” So I’d eat the one bowl of ice cream and then a few minutes or maybe a few hours later I’d start negotiating inside my head. “I know I shouldn’t have any more ice cream but I had such a small bowl the last time and since there’s only a little ice cream left in the container I might as well finish it up. That way all the ice cream will be gone and I can start fresh tomorrow.” And the next day would come and maybe, just maybe I wouldn’t have more ice cream but usually I did. More ice cream. Another trip through the drive-thru. Another phone call for another four meal deal delivery from the Chinese restaurant.
But the good news is that just as one bad choice matters so does one good choice and good choices are something we get the opportunity to make every minute of every day. Choose to not make another trip to the refrigerator. Choose to not get a second plate of food. Choose the apple over the candy bar. Choose to walk one more block. Choose water over soda. Choose to go to bed an hour earlier. Good choice after good choice after good choice add up to getting you where you want to be. It happens one choice at a time and it’s in your and my power to decide whether that will be a choice that will work against us or for us.
Myth 3: Hard work equals radical results.
I’ve been working hard in recent months. I follow a limited food plan, saying no a thousand times a day to a bite of something here or there. I pass by the free samples at the grocery store. I put nearly blue low-fat milk in my coffee when I want cloud white cream. There are days when I’m craving a big bowl of pasta glistening in butter and instead I belly up to the bar for a bowl of steamed cauliflower with non-fat dressing. I go to the gym five days a week to work out with my trainer or take a high intensity cardio class. I spend an hour in spin class indoors and I ride my bike to get there. I’ve been working hard and doing all I can do and I’m getting minuscule results. I’m not losing the weight I want to lose but what I am is healthier and stronger than I’ve ever been, my weight is stabilizing, and most days I feel good about myself and where I am. Sometimes we need to take our eyes off the results and just focus on what we’re doing and let our satisfaction be found there. If we make those good choices one day at a time and do the hard work then the results will come in their own time. We can’t control when. Most of the time hard work doesn’t equal radical results. Hard work equals hard work and that in itself is a reward, especially for those of us who’ve spent years ignoring our health and our own needs.
Those are the 3 myths that Julie Hadden wrote about in her book but there are plenty of other myths around weight loss and good health that need to be dispelled. Can you describe another myth? I’ll send my copy of “Fat Chance” to the first person who posts another myth and explains how it’s impacted them.
Fired Up Over Firenze
March 27, 2010
When we first started planning for our trip to Italy we didn’t give much thought to including Florence as it just seemed a little too far and complicated for a day trip from our home base in Montalcino especially with all the restrictions around driving and parking within the city and taking a bus or train just wouldn’t give us enough time. The other issue was it would be double the price in lodging to stay overnight in Florence since we’d still need to be paying for our rental apartment in Montalcino while we were away. After giving it some thought we decided that Florence would need to be filed under Next Time We Go to Italy.
Flip the calendar ahead a few weeks to today and as our plans now stand we’ll be staying in Florence for four days and three nights and though we’re scheduled to be in Italy for 30 days it’s those four days in Florence that I’ve been planning for and thinking about the most. So why the decision to add Florence to our plans? First on the list would be Florence herself. My good gnocchi, have you seen fotos of the place?! The visual impression of the city alone hooked me like a flapping carp on a fishing line, and there are all the people who inspired my recent Florence fondness and I list them in no particular order.
1. Judy Witts Francini. I happened upon an interview with Divina Cucina on a podcast episode of How to Tour Italy. The host, Anthony Capozzoli was talking with Judy about her walking and tasting day tours (emphasis mine) through the central market in Florence for food-lovers called “Mondays at the Market.” The descriptions of the market and the passion and joy that came through in the interview grabbed me since one of the things I most enjoy doing locally is going over to the farmer’s market at San Francisco’s Ferry Street Building on Saturday mornings to cruise the seasonal produce, artisan cheeses, and munch down a cone of tasty, salted pig parts from Chris Costino’s Boccalone Salumeria, and so with this kind of shared passion for food porn, Judy had me at 30 year old balsamic.
2. The Florence Fans over at Slow Travel Talk who share some amazingly alluring stories of their travel adventures and discoveries to this beautiful city.
3. Samantha Brown in her episode on Florence. Okay, first of all she was her usual adorable self, staying in deluxe accommodations that are out of reach for everyone but the ruling class and celebrity travel guides but still, everything about her tour of the city was splendiferiously charming. Splendiferiously. My word. Use it wisely.
And finally,
4. David. The David. Michelangelo’s David. I must see that 17 foot hunk of gorgeous marble man close up and personal at least once in my life. He’s my bucket list boyfriend.
These are the people and reasons, among many others, while we’ll be hitching the train from nearby Buonconvento to Florence for a few days to explore one of the most beautiful cities in the world. So they say. So we shall see! As I mentioned in a previous post we’ll be staying at il Bargello Bed and Breakfast, which we also learned about through How to Tour Italy as well as finding it came highly recommended by Rick Steves and several other travel sites like Trip Advisor. Geobeats has a nice video on the place along with some other fun videos related to Florence.
In addition to spending time ogling my bucket list boyfriend, D and I have booked a “Monday at the Market” tour with Divina Cucina for Thursday since we’ll still be at our Montalcino basecamp on Monday, and as it happens Judy will be in the Bay area this Spring and so we’ll have the chance to meet up with her at an upcoming book-signing in Napa. I want to add that in exploring other local resources in Florence online I discovered Taste Florence, that also leads walking food tours in the same general area of Florence as those led by Judy. While we opted to go with Divina Cucina due to hearing her interview and following her blog for sometime, I’ve been equally impressed and grateful with the personal correspondence I’ve had with Toni at Taste Florence and I hope to shadow her tour for a bit or chat for a bit over an espresso in vetro within the sound of a piazza fountain.
And this is what it’s all about for me. The connections with people, whether Italian by birth or ex-pats by choice. I’ve done the tourist thing; rushing from location to location, moving in a pack of other gawking, camera-toting tourists like me and isolated from the real life of the people. That’s how I’ve seen Rome twice before, and that’s the difference; I saw Rome but I wasn’t in Rome. I was just a passive observer, no more engaged with the life or the people than had I watched a travel show on Rome from the comfort of my own couch. I’ve also had the opportunity one time in my life to spend three months in Jerusalem. I lived in a small neighborhood on the edge of the city, waited at the corner bus stop, walked to the market, chatted as best as my limited Hebrew allowed over the backyard fence with the neighbors, and avoided the tourist areas like a bad rash. Kosher Heaven.
I’m probably just dreaming the dream of all travelers but I’m hoping to experience a little of what I came to know in 90 days in Jerusalem in 30 days in Italy. Sure. I want to see the land and the places that come to anyone’s mind when you talk about Italy but just as much I hope to have some chance encounters with people; to learn what their village or town means to them, how long their family has been there, and what life is like for them. Italian people. Italian life. I want to do a little more than observe Italy. I want a chance to taste it. In the lively chatter in the piazza. In spirited exchanges in the market or a small shop. In friendly conversations over dinner at a nearby trattoria.
A girl can dream, can’t she?
Parting Thoughts on Reconstructive Surgery
March 26, 2010
Since participating in a liquid fast last year through a nearby medical clinic I’ve continued to go to the clinic weekly for a maintenance support group comprised of a half dozen or more women who, like myself, lost their excess weight on the fast and are now learning how to live with food while maintaining a healthy body weight. During the hour long meeting we go around the room and do what people usually do at support meetings. We share. We talk about the mocha chocolate cheesecake we stalked, the calorie differential between a 45 minute spin class and a ham and provolone panini, and waking up from a dream of drowning in a swimming pool full of chocolate mousse.
So. Yesterday when the circle sharing came to me I was asked how the scars from my reconstructive surgeries were doing and as I began to describe how they were all at different stages of fading a new member of the group excitedly interrupted and proceeded to tell the group she’d had breast reduction surgery and that the scars were practically unnoticeable at which point this 65-something woman flung the front of her shirt up and over her shoulder to expose her bare-naked girlie bumps to the entire group for inspection. I dare say somehow I have managed to get to the age of 53 without ever being flashed someone’s grandma. Apparently the leader of our group had failed to inform our newest member that we limited ourselves to sharing and not show-n-tell.
Weird and all the more troubling because it was the highlight of my day.
Anyway, that leads to posting what will probably be a final review and update on the reconstructive surgery I had last summer and don’t let the opening story fool you….there will be NO photographs of any part of my flesh including my girl bumps. All you get is this image (which you can click on for a larger version), where I’ve gone ahead and added in the incision lines from the tummy tuck, mid-back lift, arm and thigh reduction, and breast lift.
The tummy tuck/mid-back lift took place in August 2009 and at this point those are the scars that have faded the most and I suspect both these scars will barely be visible in another year. The only lingering effect from these procedures is a continuing sensation of numbness just below my belly button where the stomach muscles were tightened but the intensity of the numbness flunctuates from day to day and most days it’s hardly noticeable. The only other lasting side-effects from the surgery is that any crunch work at the gym can cause some uncomfortable pressure across my mid-section and eating or drinking just a little too much at one seating causes an exaggerated feeling of fullness. All these lasting issues (numbness, bloating, pressure) are connected to having my stomach muscles surgically tightened which is a part of the tummy tuck procedure but not necessarily required.
The second surgery involved the breast lift and the upper arm and thigh reductions and took place in September 2009. The breast lift was the easiest of all the procedures, both immediately after surgery and in the recovery time since then. There’s been little pain or tenderness around the incision sites although I’m still holding off for another couple months on my regularly scheduled mammogram. I’ll make the appointment when I can even think about having my new and improved all-eyes-ahead breasts squeezed between two plates of glass without wincing.
The thigh reduction incisions that run right along the bottom of my bum are also fading nicely but there are a few points along the incision line where the scar tissue has developed some hardness around it. This hardened tissue will eventually break up and soften but for the time-being it feels like I have a pocketful of pebbles when I lay my side on a semi-hard surface like the matted gym floor.
The scars that are taking the longest to heal are the most visible scars, those being the ones running down my inner arms just past my elbow and on my inner thighs running down just to above my knees. The thigh scars remain a darker pink/purple color and partially show when I wear shorts or shorter capri pants. Fortunately the incision lines have remained relatively thin and flat and I’ve been assured that given more time these too will heal to be very close to my natural skin color; and by that I mean to say Pillsbury Dough Boy White. The most concerning of all the scar tissue to me is on my arms. The problem isn’t the coloring of the scars since they’re progressively fading too but the thickness and texture of the scars. In some areas the incision lines stretched to nearly double their original width and have developed a thicker texture that’s raised the scar tissue above the level of my skin. The reason for the damage to the scar tissue was due to being so physically active several weeks after the surgery when my Mom became ill and subsequently passed away. All the getting in and out of cars and planes, trips to the hospital, and multiple changes of clothing was all necessary for what was happening at the time but didn’t create the best case scenario for healing. Now that it’s nearing summer and I’m living in short sleeves and tank tops, the scars are hard not to notice but during a recent follow-up with my plastic surgeon he assured me even with these scars given a few more months of healing they’d take on a much more blended appearance to match the rest of my skin. The only thing that probably won’t change on its own is the width of the scar tissue but I’d rather live with that than have corrective surgery to repair it.
So the question is, after all the surgeries, pain, expense, disruption to my regular life, and the lasting scars, was it all worth it? I’ll answer that honestly.
The mid-back lift and tummy tuck, absolutely yes, they were completely worth it. The first week after surgery following the tummy tuck I experienced an incredible amount of pain related to the muscle tightening but I had pain medication for it and by the second week the pain was completely manageable. The time it took to really start feeling normal again took about four to five weeks but then it took a few more weeks beyond that to get back into my regular routine. And the results are fairly amazing. Before the surgery I had spent all of my adult life with an apron of fat and skin that sagged low over my abdomen and rested on the upper portion of my legs when I was sitting. My back and bum were loose and droopy from all the excess skin. The mid-back lift completely smoothed the surface of my back torso and exposed the natural lines and curves of the female anatomy. My stomach wins the award for “most improved.” My abdomen is completely flat and my belly button has been relocated to front and center.
The breast lift and the arm reduction is another unquestionable yes. I was totally surprised in the days following surgery as to how little pain or even discomfort was involved with either of these and the most discomfort I experienced with my arms came about a month after surgery when the skin around the scar tissue was itching and burning like crazy as a reaction to the natural healing process. There have been sporadic and temporarily painful hot spots on the incisions around my breasts as they’ve healed. The results from both of these procedures are better than I had expected. My arms now have a normal amount of sag for a woman my age and my breasts have less sag than normal for a woman my age. No complaints all the way around.
Had I truly known how painful and complicated the thigh reduction was going to be, I honestly don’t know if I could have gone through with it. It really was miserable in every possible way, beyond what I can and would describe here. At the same time I’m not sure if knowing every little ugly detail would have prevented me from going ahead because my inner thighs have always the thing I liked least/hated most about my body. I didn’t feel comfortable wearing shorts because most shorts weren’t long enough to cover them completely and bathing suits were out of the question! My thighs were so wide that to buy pants wide enough to fit over them meant wearing pants that hung loosely on my waist. And the issues I had with my thighs were far more than about vanity. The added weight put an extra load on my body and forced me to have a wider than normal gait for my size frame and the skin was more often than not irritated and sore from the friction of rubbing against the skin on the other leg. Not pretty. Not fun.
So yes, I’m thrilled and relieved I had the inner thigh work. My gait is natural. i can walk and ride a bike easily. My thighs are in proportion to my waist when buying pants. No rubbing and no chafing. But even so I’d be hesitant to encourage anyone else to have the procedure for themselves unless they were bound and determined. If you are, write me. Let’s talk.
So there you have it.
Me and My Big Girl Panties
March 23, 2010
After watching a particularly disturbing episode of “Hoarders” the other day D and I attacked our garage and uncovered jeans and a tee shirt from my big girl days. In fact it’s the very same jeans and tee shirt I’m wearing in a photo here. As you can see when you lose half your body weight you only need half your pants! I remember only too well when I wore these jeans because at the time they were the last of the jeans I had I could fit into and even that’s not exactly true. I could get in them, but I couldn’t get them zipped up and so I’d fold both sides of the zipper inside my pants and then wear a tee shirt long enough to cover up the fact that I was walking around without my pants zipped. This leads to the second photo. Follow me down the post, will you?
While I can’t say this tee shirt was tight at my biggest weight, I can’t say it was loose either. You be the judge. Anyway, the jeans were size 28 (I wore 30-32 comfortably), and the gray moo-moo tee shirt was a 3XL. Okay, that’s all the show and tell for today so keep scrolling down past my knobby knees.
It’s good for me to remember the old days and the old clothes because I absolutely believe that what the poet George Santayana said is true: “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” And so on a regular basis I remember the misery of my past which allows me not only to be all the more grateful for today but to do what I can to treasure and keep it.
So let me catch you up on what’s been going on since I haven’t been posting much. You’ll notice there’s not been any posts recently from my kitchen exploits because the deluge of Christmas baking basically wore me out and was also adding a few too many calories to my life. As a result there’s been very little culinary glamor to be found around here with our meals revolving around grilled chicken and fish, fresh veggies and fruit, and the more than occasional liquid protein supplement. With outdoor grill season just around the corner though you can be sure you’ll be treated to photos of yet more nearly-burned to a crisp fennel, fowl, and fin. We like to say around here that we don’t like burnt food but blackened food which makes it sound more like a style of grilling than an accident from multi-tasking one too many tasks while the food is on the grill.
And as to exercise to put it simply, I’ve been a maniac! After months of little to zip physical activity due to surgeries and recovery time, I’m focused on getting my muscle mass and girlie guns back to where they were before I turned into a non-green version of Gumby. Recently my fitness schedule has included strength training three times a week with a personal trainer and a whole lot of spinning! I’ve been averaging 4-5 spin classes a week and have found it’s the most effective and efficient way for me to burn the most calories in the least amount of time; anywhere from 500-700 for a 45 minutes class according to my heart rate monitor. Speaking of which, if you tap on the image below a larger version will open up showing the data from my Garmin Fitness watch and heart monitor for the past month, showing that since March 1 I’ve exercised a total of just over 21 hours for a total calorie burn of more than 12,000 calories. Those 21 hours include: strength training, spin class, road cycling, and the dreaded StairMonster. I take the elevator up to the gym so I can get on a step machine and climb nowhere. Don’t even try to make sense of that.
I’d love to tell you all this physical exercise and moderate eating has me at my goal weight but if I told you that I’d be lying through my little crowned teeth. My weight continued to sloooowly climb through January and February to 168 pounds despite my best efforts and an excessive amount of frustration and head-banging. And then….finally….my weight plateaued and since then it’s been letting go an ounce or two at a time and this morning the flashing digits on the bathroom scales read 166.6. I know. 666. The Omen. Scary. But actually this time it’s a good sign in that my body is finally getting back in shape and letting go of the weight. My weight gain over the past few months really has been the great mystery to everyone from my doctors to my trainer to me and the theories have abounded. My personal trainer thinks it was due to the loss of muscle mass from months of inactivity. Doctors suggested everything from a hormone imbalance to the physical trauma my body experienced from the surgeries to it simply being a matter of my age working against me. The last one was suggested by someone so young he looked like Beaver Cleaver with a stethoscope. But then again at my age, all the doctors are starting to look like Doogie Howser M.D.
Even our cats had a theory as to my weight gain that involved me sneaking their bags of kitty treats on the sly. As tempting as Kibbles Tuna and Liver Medley sounds…
So I think this has you all caught up on more than you cared to know about me but don’t think for a minute that’s going to stop me from telling you more! I’ll follow up in the next few days with a final update on where I am in terms of recovery from the reconstructive surgeries (Oh could it be she’ll include photos of her scars? Only time will tell!) and then I intend to start posting on general stuff related to health, weight loss, and nutrition that I’ve collected from my own experiences along the way.
Later Gators!
The Bliss of the X
March 23, 2010
174 days until we leave for Italy but really, who’s counting? Me. There are few things that can make me grin wider than my daily pilgrimage to the wall calendar where I use a wide point Sharpee to make another big sloppy X through that day’s date and with each X there’s one less day that stands between me and my first lemon gelato on Italian terra firma. Be still my heart.
Since last I blogged back on January 7 I’ve continued to plan and obsess for our month in Italy. At the top of the list has been taking a semester of Italian at the Berkeley annex for the The School of Italian Language and Culture. I now know just enough Italian to at least be able to embarrass myself in two languages instead of just one. I had originally intended to continue on with the second and third semesters but I wasn’t able to arrange my schedule to accommodate the Monday evening classes with any regularity so it’s back to Rosetta Stone on my laptop for me. For the most part I think I can manage the pronunciation reasonably well but as to verb conjugations, dream on. When ordering for D and I, I sense there’s going to be a whole lot of bilingual pointing going on; pointing to D and then to the menu, pointing to me and then to the menu. Hey, as long as I can get Fagioli all’uccelletto on my plate in Tuscany and Spaghetti alIa carbonara in my bowl in Rome, I’ll use whatever means are possible, be it gestures or grammar.
I’ve also begun booking us one guided day tour in each of our three locations (Rome, Tuscany, the Amalfi Coast). While D and I are most excited about seeing Italy on our own, going where we want to go and going at our own pace, we also want to experience a few of the major sites with people who know their stuff. In each location Untours provides a special event for all their clients who are located in the same area at the same time. Rome includes a private guided tour of St. Peter’s Basilica and Sistine Chapel; in Tuscany we gather for lunch and a guided tour of a local abbey and while the event for the Amalfi Coast is still to be determined (Amalfi is a new region for them), I’m hoping Limoncello is included prominently in the plans.
The bookings I’ve made for D and I in Rome include two outings with Context Travel. On our first full day in Rome we’re going on their three hour walking tour, Savoring Rome, A Culinary Stroll that will give us not only the chance to get a taste of Rome but help us get a lay of the land for our days on our own. A couple days later will go on a four hour guided tour of the Roman Forum, Palatine Hill and the Colosseum on Roma Antica. Our apartment is a five minute walk from the center of ancient Rome and so I’m sure we’ll find ourselves back at the forum on another day as well as to Maritime Prison where the Apostle Paul was imprisoned while in Rome.
Our days on the Amalfi Coast will be spent strolling through the coastal villages (we’ll access them via the coastal bus line) and hiking the trails between Atrani and Ravello and over near Positano, but we’ve already arraigned a private tour of Pompeii with Gaetano Manfredi, a guide that comes highly recommended by Rick Steves. A private driver will take us to Pompeii where we’ll meet up with Gaetano for a two-three hour tour. Then it’s back with our driver for some touring and a slice of pizza in Naples before driving to Mount Vesuvius for a bit of a climb.
The other location where we want to arrange a guided tour is in Florence but right now those plans are a bit up in the air and so I’ll post what we’re doing when everything is finalized. Suffice it to say, whichever way we go in Florence the focus will be food, fun, and fotos!
Okay. That updates you on my progress with Italian and our guided tour plans. I could go on but it will wait for another post. For now I have another X to mark off on the calendar!
The Space Between My Ears Wears Me Out Sometimes
February 5, 2010
Back in December I blogged about how I was struggling to get my weight where I wanted it to be and despite a month of primarily being back on the liquid fast I’m here to report that my weight barely budged. While I’m assuming/hoping/praying this will begin to change now that I’m back at the gym and looking forward to the approaching cycling and hiking weather, for the time being I’m finding it a real challenge to balance my weight at any particular number.
As a recap, the lowest weight I reached following surgery was somewhere around 150 pounds and because I hit it once I’ve been feeling like that’s the weight I should be at to be “successful,” but even with a minimal caloric intake, drinking plenty of water, increasing my activity, yadda yadda yadda, the bathroom scales refuse to decrease in number. Unless I have a little extra to eat at a meal or add an extra snack and then those old bathrooms scales don’t hesitate to flash me an upward turn.
So the other day I was again engaged in obsessive thoughts about all this when I remembered that when I began the fast in January 2009 I never entertained the thought of getting to 150 and wearing size 8 jeans. No. The goal I set for myself at the time was to one day weight between 160-165 pounds, to reach a BMI of between 25-27, and I would have been elated to imagine myself in size 12 clothing. Well, guess what? Here are the facts as they stand today. My weight has, for the past few months, been consistently hovering between 158-162, my BMI without exercise has been just above 27, and I’m comfortably wearing size 10-12 jeans (though the one pair of size 8 jeans I bought at 150 still fit though breathing is optional). It took a number of years but finally I reached my goal and now that I’m there…it seems it’s not good enough.
Which leads to the question, do we ever get to a place in our lives where we’re genuinely content with how we look? Can we ever just relax into our bodies, look in the mirror, and say, “Looking good today Sweetheart” and actually mean it? I know I want that and I’m working toward that end but not all that surprisingly sometimes the hardest work we do is between our two ears rather than between the two sides rails of a treadmill. Without going all Oprah, it just seems it would be a whole lot more beneficial and productive to be cheerleaders for ourselves rather than a panel of multiple sneering, cynical Simon Cowles.
And so the work continues….
Getting No Where Really Really Fast
February 4, 2010
I’ve been chomping at the bits to get back into my regular exercise routine but between recovering from my surgeries and then having everything put on hold due to a suspected hernia it’s been more than six months of being limited to walking and pouting. The first burns calories, the second does not.
After two recent CAT scans, a hernia was finally ruled out in favor of a weakened patch of stomach muscles just above my right hip bone. This may or may not be related to increased strain on that area due to having my stomach muscles tightened in another area but that’s all neither here or there. The end result is that I am now the proud owner of a plum size bulge four inches to the left of my belly button and just as many down that while visually not the look I was going for, at least doesn’t require any surgery or restrictions on my activity level.
So after all this time I’m back to three 50 minutes sessions a week at the gym with my own little version of Jillian (just as gorgeous and nearly as cruel) which feels both achingly sore and wonderful at the same time. During personal training we primarily focus on (re) strengthening my core through work with weights, pilates, and balance work on the Bosu. There’s circuit work on the gym equipment and a whole lot of plain calisthenics including planks, lunges, and groan, squats.
With my personal training back up and rolling I’m now trying to put together a regular cardio routine at home and in the gym to get my heart pumping and up the sweat factor for a solid calorie burn. My goal is to get back to doing an hour or more of cardio 4-5 times a week. Once spring arrives I’ll return to cycling, walking, and hiking but until then I’m getting involved in some of the classes offered at the gym and to that end I’ve been trying out a few. The first up was the currently popular Zumba which proved to be a total exercise in humiliation for the simple reason it requires something I don’t possess, that being rhythm. After 20 minutes of stumbling over my feet I screamed “Uncle!” and ran from the room. I’ve also tried a few classes of Camp 24 that combines step, weights and cardio and for the most part I enjoyed it with the exception of the jumping jacks which I can’t do if there’s so much as a teaspoon of fluid in my bladder but then again neither can I walk and sneeze at the same time. You probably didn’t want to know that, did you?
Aaaaaanyway, over the past few years I’ve noticed how there’s a whole lot of people waiting in line at the counter to sign up and reserve their spot for the next spin class. As a kid who grew up in a house with a stationary bike that was always covered in my dad’s pants, teeshirts, and other assorted laundry, I’ve never been too intrigued by the whole idea of hunkering down onto a bike seat, spinning like crazy, and going nowhere. Whether it was the flashbacks to my childhood or the whole human hamster wheel thing, who can say. I only know I’ve never been all that interested in giving it a try. That was until I noticed the sweat factor. I couldn’t help but notice that at the end of their spinning session all the little human hamsters were dripping in sweat and nothing says calorie burn like a whole lot of sweat. Well, as it turns out I LOVE spin class. To be completely accurate I didn’t love it the second and third time when my derrière felt like it had been polished with coarse grain sandpaper but now that my backside has warmed up to the idea I’m loving it.
And loving it is important. Sure. There are times you just go to the gym or head out on a walk or run because it’s the thing you know you need to do rather than the thing you want to do, but the chances of being able to keep motivated to do it day in and day out is made easier a world easier if it’s something you enjoy and that provides you with a sense of satisfaction. Here are a couple things I’ve cranked up the fun-0-meter around physical activity.
- I love taking digital photos and so when I’m hiking I’ve always got my camera with me.
- The only time I allow myself to listen to my favorite podcasts (Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me, and Splendid Table) are when I’m out walking.
- I bought a couple favorite workout tops and pants that are reserved just for the gym.
- I’ve measured the mileage for a variety of routes that all begin and end at our front door so that I never walk or ride my bike on the same route two days in a row, and most of the loops have a Starbucks at mid-point so I have a rest break to look forward to just down the road.
- I set attainable goals for myself (walking to a particular destination a little farther than the day before, walking at a steeper incline on the treadmill than I did the last time, estimating a specific time it will take me to go a particular distance that requires I push myself a little to achieve it) because every time I meet my goal I gain a sense of satisfaction that makes me feel good.
- When I spend time on my Wii FitPlus I intentionally think of it as play instead of exercise and focus on the enjoyment factor rather than about getting my exercise in that day.
- I keep a few inexpensive workout DVD’s (The Biggest Loser has some awesome ones!) and a couple pieces of equipment (exercise bands, a step, and a fitness ball) on hand at home so I have a variety of choices of ways to be physical whether for an hour or for a 15-minute fitness break.
And that leads me to always remembering that doing something is better than doing nothing. Five minutes of walking is better than zero minutes. Walk to the end of your block and back. Every time you need to get something upstairs at home go up and down the stairs two times first. Park as far from the entrance to the store entrance as you can. Walk in place every time a TV commercial comes on. Pace back and forth whenever you talk on the phone. Set a goal of going on a walking exploration of every city park in your local area.
Begin just by being mindful of the 3 S’s.
Sit. Stand. Step.
Standing burns more calories than sitting. Stepping burns more calories than standing.
Studies have shown that one of the differences between obese people and thin people is that thin people are more physically active. That doesn’t necessarily mean they exercise more, it simply means they move more during the course of an average day. They stand more and step more and that overall increased activity level ends up burning more calories than a sedentary day spent sitting all day long.
That is of course unless you’re sitting on a stationary bike.
New Year’s Resolutions: One Week and Counting
January 7, 2010
So how are those New Year’s Resolutions working out for you? If you’re still keeping them with a full week of 2010 under your belt then a tip of my hat in your direction. If I wore hats that is which I don’t because I look silly and slightly deranged in them. For myself, I gave up making New Year’s Resolutions as a New Year’s Resolution a few years ago and that’s about the only one I’ve managed to keep.
I spent a whole lot of years in churches that would traditionally hold a New Years Eve service that included a time when everyone would write out what they wanted to see God do in the coming year (a religious version of New Year’s Resolutions) and then we’d seal our note in a self-addressed envelope that the church secretary would drop in the mail to us six months later so we could see how God had answered our prayers and how we had followed through on the commitments we’d made to Him.
By the time I was in young adulthood the arrival of that envelope, addressed to myself in my own handwriting, was like a slap across the face, a literary reminder that once again I hadn’t done what I had been so earnest about doing six months earlier. Once again I was reminded that I’d failed to make any headway on the first item on every single New Year’s Resolution list I ever written during my lifetime. The wording was different from year to year but the intent was always the same.
- I want to lose weight.
- This year I will lost 50 pounds.
- By next year at this time I will have lost 100 pounds.
- I commit to losing weight in the coming year.
- I promise that with God’s help I will get my weight and my eating under control.
One year I’d had enough of making New Year’s Resolutions that I knew I could never keep and so while everyone else was in church writing out their resolutions and commitments for the coming year, I was scratching out another kind of message to myself. Six months later when it arrived I tore open the envelope and read,
So, it’s now six months later and I bet anything you weigh more today than you did on New Year’s Eve, don’t you? When are you ever going to just accept that you’re always going to be fat? You’re such a failure.
No small amount of self-loathing in that little note to self. Ya think?
But it wasn’t just once a year I’d failed to live up to the word I made to myself. Every Monday was going to be the start of a new diet and this time I was going to stick with it, and sometimes I did stick with it. At least until Tuesday afternoon. Every night after I’d eaten Chinese take-out for four or a deluxe double-thick pizza with extra cheese and a half gallon of ice cream as a chaser and I was stuffed sick I’d swear to myself I was never going to eat like that again, and just to prove how serious I was I’d storm (or waddle as it were) into the kitchen and throw any food that remained (if any did) into the garbage can. But by the next day, after a small breakfast or no breakfast at all, and eating little more than a salad and a Diet Coke for lunch, I’d head to the fast food district of town and fill up the back seat of my car: a six pack of tacos from Taco Bell, two orders of onion rings from BurgerKing, and a half dozen Dilly Bars from Dairy Queen. Then I’d go home, eat it all, and feeling stuffed sick with self-loathing and food once again I’d swear I’d never eat like that again. But I would. Again and again and again. All the way to 325 pounds.
I haven’t lost 170 pounds because one year I made a New Years Resolution to myself to lose 170 pounds. There wasn’t a single ginormous last supper that made me so violently sick in body and spirit that I swore that was the last time and then I followed through from that moment on. My weight loss journey didn’t start on a Monday or on the 1st of the month or the 1st day of a new year. It began on a Saturday. May 8, 1999. I didn’t wake up that morning knowing I would always remember that date. I didn’t know that between then and the beginning of 2010 I would never again gorge on a fast-food progressive dinner, never order Chinese take-out for four for a party of one, or never lose myself in a half-gallon of ice cream or a two pound bowl of pasta and butter. When I backed my car out of the driveway that morning I didn’t know I would never be that heavy again. I didn’t know the next time I’d buy a car I wouldn’t have to have the driver’s seat soldered in place to keep my weight from breaking the steel joints. I didn’t know the time was coming when I’d stop waking up in the middle of night gasping for breath or fearing the pains that occasionally ripped through my chest. I didn’t know in a few short months I’d be wearing pants that zipped all the way up rather than being held in place with jumbo diaper pins and prayer. And I sure couldn’t have imagined that in a few years from that day I’d be wearing size 10 jeans and medium size shirts, walking a half-marathon, hiking through the Redwoods, or hearing my doctor say, “Anita, you are in more than excellent health.”
May 8, 1999 was the day that led to where I am today but I didn’t know it at the time. I just knew I was going to go to a morning meeting of *Overeaters Anonymous that happened to be held in the back room of my favorite Mexican restaurant in town. I figured I’d sit and listen to a bunch of fat people talk about the diet they were on and whine about how much they missed eating ice cream and cake and cookies, and then at the end of the meeting I’d slip into the main room of the restaurant and order my usual double cheese enchilada plate with a side of chips and guacamole to go. Instead I went to the meeting and listened to thin and heavy people talk about having spent their lives eating like I thought only I ate and that they were grateful that for today they no longer had to eat like that. And at the end of the meeting, rather than leaving with the smell of a greasy plate of Mexican food covered in foil on the passenger seat beside me, I left with hope that at least for that day, I stood a chance of going to bed without being stuffed sick and ashamed. And I did.
That was the beginning for me. And there’s a beginning for you too. You just might know when the journey begins. But then again, maybe your journey already has started and you don’t even know it has or can’t believe it has.
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*Overeater’s Anonymous is part of my story but it might be part of yours. Instead it may be Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig or private therapy or a plan of eating that you find in a magazine that works best for you.
Flushable Florence
January 7, 2010
Okay, everyone from Samantha Brown to every experienced traveler has commented on the lack of public toilet in Florence and that even when there are toilets to be found they’re more along the lines of the two footprints and a hole.
My big adventure with the footprint commode was in a little village on the ascent into Jerusalem. When I asked an elderly woman for directions to the public toilets she pointed in the direction of an old church which for whatever reason gave me a sense of assurance that the accommodations would be all that bad. As it turned out, I entered a gigantic old church that had for at least the last two centuries been without a roof and when I entered the small cubbie space where the footprint toilet was located, I found the roof was missing there too. Now, this doesn’t seem all that bad. After all, who cares if a few birds passing overhead take a second spin over the airspace above you to get a second look? But the situation was a little more….complicated than that since the street running next to the church was built on a slope and so anyone passing along the street could look in and see you and you could see them. And sure enough, just as I was taking in the situation in mortified wonder, a mother and her three boys walked by. Suffice it to say I was the first one off the bus and running when we arrived at our Jerusalem hotel.
Now why am I mentioning this, aside from my complete lack of personal boundaries, that is? Because with our trip to Italy more than eight months away, I have already ordered and received one of the most essential travel aids we will be packing. How much do you love a feminine urination system that’s called Go Girl, and who’s motto is “Don’t Take Life Sitting Down.”
Why have I not read this suggested on any of the packing lists I’ve been reading for traveling to Italy over at SlowTravel? What’s up with that?
I’m ready for Florence, the isolated back roads of Tuscany, and for that matter hiking trails around our own Northern California.
Aside from this whole foray into the land of TMI (too much information), today I booked a three night stay in Florence for D and I at il Bargello Bed and Breakfast in Florence. I heard about il Bargello from an interview on the “How to Tour Italy” podcast and it sounded wonderful. The location is right near many of the places we want to visit such as the Duomo and the Uffizi Gallery and within walking distance of about everything else, though that seems to be generally true anywhere you stay in Florence.
Anyway, we’re sandwiching our visit to Florence into the middle of our two week stay in Montalcino, taking the train from nearby Buonconvento to Florence on a Tuesday morning and returning to Montalcino via the same means on Friday morning. I’ve been advised not to drive to Florence by those who’ve been there and had to contend with driving into the city and finding parking and being a smart little cookie I’m heeding the advise of those with more experience.
Now if they’d just take my advise on the Go Girls because….I have experience.
