The Next Step and It’s a Big One

July 28, 2009

I’ve been waiting to tell you until the time was a little closer and now it is so here it is….next Wednesday I’m going to have reconstructive surgery to remove the excess skin following my weight loss of 165+ pounds.

The surgery I’m having is rather extensive and will involve three different procedures: an abdominoplasty, a mid-back lift, and liposuction behind my knees. The abdominoplasty, ever so quaintly referred to as a tummy tuck, involves running an incision along the base of my abdomen and removing the excess skin above the incision and then pulling the remaining skin above down to close the incision. The mid-back lift is similar. An incision line is run across the bra line and the excess skin below the incision is removed and the remaining skin pulled down to close the incision. A small amount of liposuction directly behind my knees will conclude the 6-7 hour surgery. I’ll then remain in the hospital overnight before returning home to begin the wincing in pain and whining to my wife recovery process, something my wife is oh-so eager to experience! Once I’ve fully recovered (6-8 weeks) I’ll go back in for a final surgery to do the same work on my thighs.

This is obviously a huge step for me to take and one that’s only come after many months of weighing the decision carefully and doing the research. It’s also something I dreamed about doing years ago when I was still carrying all the extra weight. The weird thing is in all likelihood most people won’t even notice a difference between the before and after surgery me. It probably will just look like I’ve lost a little more weight since the plastic surgeon estimates the first surgery alone will remove nearly 12 pounds of excess skin but much of the excess baggage I’ve been carrying isn’t something most people see. Nothing like a snug pair of jeans to hold it in or a pair of baggie shorts to camouflage the bountiful bumps and rolls!

There will definitely be some physical benefits from having the surgery. With the combination of both surgeries my center of gravity will shift to where it should be (aligned with my spine rather than being pulled forward by the weight of my stomach) and the extra weight stress on my lower back, legs and feet will be removed. The end result should be that I’ll be in a better position, literally, to continue to improve my core strength and have more stamina while doing it. Basically I’ll feel better and move easier. Those are the sides benefits but not the real motivation for why I’m doing this which is for a far more emotional reason than for one based on appearance or health.

I’ve spent much of my life in a body that didn’t feel like mine. My body was something I lived in but that wasn’t me. There were days when I’d look in the mirror and wonder painfully where I really was and if I’d ever get out and for many years I felt like I was hidden away behind the thick flesh that surrounded me. That extra layer impacted how I related to the world and how the world related to me. It determined where I would go and where I couldn’t go. It created an ever-widening boundary between me and other people and while some might choose to create that boundary as some tangible form of protection against the world I didn’t want it. I just didn’t know how to climb outside of it.

Now the excess fat, all 165+ pounds of it have been shed and according to my general physician, the doctors at the fasting clinic, and my plastic surgeon I’m now in a healthy weight range for a woman my age. This has been an incredibly long journey for me that began with my very first attempts at dieting as an adolescent and continued through years of trying and failing, trying and failing, and all along confronting moments of shame and humiliation that come unnecessarily to those who are obese in this country. Now by a combination of 3 parts the grace of God and 1 part sustained human action, that journey has turned a corner and for the second half of my journey I want to want to leave the excess baggage behind and travel forward with a lighter step. I want to literally shed my skin, at least that which I no longer need and take the next steps of my life with a fresh start. For me the surgery is just another step in what’s been a process of spiritual, emotional and physical healing over the past few years and it’s a step I’m both anxious and excited to take.

So I know this is all personal but then this is a personal blog after all, and having shared all that I already have I felt that omitting this part would be less than being fully truthful. I tend to be honest and self-disclosing. Maybe too much but there you have it. Besides, just in case I get a little loopy on pain medication and get the genius idea to jump on Facebook or blog I want an excuse and sympathy already in place for anything I write that might sound a little more whacked out than when I’m just my normal self. Whatever normal is.

Posted in Reconstructive Surgery